First Blog

12/13/12  Introduction to the Charlotte community and supporters of NAMI

My blogger name is Lucinda  and I am respectfully, the designated blogger for the Charlotte NAMI website. I was appointed this position and hope to fulfill it to the best of my ability and share with all of you, my life and points in recovery that I face each and every day. I will begin this blog to the community and supporters by telling you a little bit about me and giving a summary of my history. It is hard to summerize the last 18 years in a so very few words so rather, let this be my introduction. I have so many experiences to share with you and I hope that one day you will share yours with me.

 Some of you may identify with parts of my story but all of you have your own story and many more, I am sure. I am a not so normal 33 year old living in Charlotte NC. I have bipolar disorder and was first hospitalized when I was 15 years old. I believe, it all started with my drug addiction and truancy from school.

My parents divorced when I was 8 and and I lived alone with my father until I was 11. Then I moved in with my mother. My mother did everything that she could to provide for my younger brother and I and worked a lot. I shut my father out of my life because I was beginning to identify again, with my peers, my new family. My peers were my age and had problems of their own.

After a few years of dabbling in drugs and dismissing school as it didn't seem important at the time, my mother made me move back in with my father who was living in Columbus Ohio. I didn’t adjust very well, although for a time I went to school and made the honor roll and stopped doing drugs, I missed my old friends. I visited them after 2 years in Ohio and did drugs again and gained my first hospitalization. I was diagnosed with drug-induced psychosis NOS and PTSD.

During the rest of my high school career I was unable to cope with my new life and medication that I had to take to be well. I searched for the person I used to be and tried to find the social groups that I used to fit into. I fell into my old ways and I was hospitalized 12 more times for mania and once for severe depression and a suicide attempt before I dropped out of high school two years later.

For the next six years I relapsed with various new drugs and abusive relationships that I used to nullify my illness. I was hospitalized many more times for mania and had a second suicide attempt under my belt and knew that I had to leave Columbus, Ohio to get better. I was not running away from my problems but I needed a new beginning as we often do when life gets the best of us. I moved to Charlotte, NC and for the first time gained my independence working as a dancer. I stayed hospital free for 5 years. I gained my confidence and self esteem back and was on my way to recovery.

Dancing was a double edged sword. Although it was liberating, it brought about a new slew of problems to be dealt with. I became an alcoholic which was something that I didn't realize until the end of that career. I guess when I realized it was time to get out, I knew that it was going against my morals and values and I wanted to have a real relationship. Getting married was something that I would never be able to do that while in such a bad environment. Well, the epiphany that I was an alcoholic actually came later when I landed my dream job working as a deckhand aboard a 220 ft. mega yacht in Ft. Lauderdale. It got me fired.

Luck had it that when I returned to Charlotte I met my lovely life partner and we got married two years later. Our road has had it's ups and downs and I have been in the hospital for work related stress since our wedding. I am still recovering and I recognize a lot more about my bipolar than what I used to. This blog is meant for friends families and those who suffer from mental illness as an encouragement to know that you are not alone with the trials that you face. Sometimes it may seem like you are swimming upstream but to use a little nautical terminology you must tack against the wind , slow and steady to the left and right and you will eventually reach your destination.

God Bless You all and Happy Holidays. I hope this blog finds you in safety and peace. I will be returning with a new entry very soon.

Yours Truly,

Lucinda